Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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