i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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