Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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