I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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