i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize