$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
