I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
