can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize