what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
