I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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