he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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