Umm I'm too high to move.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What changed your mind?
Being sober
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
