No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
