i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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