I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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