clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
