before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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