I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
