After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
