She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
