Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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