He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
