I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
