I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Randomize
