I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
