hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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