I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
