White coat. Heels.
I heard we made out
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
