no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
