I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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