Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize