And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
