I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
