Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
