This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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