You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
