I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
