i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
