apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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