Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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