I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
