A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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