It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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