Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
