i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
