The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
