You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
