Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
