My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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