i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
