She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
