Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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