He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
