I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i now understand why vodka
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize