I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
