mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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