I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
