I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
