I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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