note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
