Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
