I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
