Im at strip club and am horny
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
