i think i have two assholes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
