The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
