So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize