I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
