well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
