i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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