you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
