She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
