First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize