Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
