so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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