You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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