At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
