fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
