Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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