Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
