Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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