I think I am morally bankrupt
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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