end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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