all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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