But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
