I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
