i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
