She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize