Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
