yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
