All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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