i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize