I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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