Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
