As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
