im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
