So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
