A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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